I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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