Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
