Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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