we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
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We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
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He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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