I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
God, I missed his penis.
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