my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
