There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
