I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
