Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
