I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
