These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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