I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
