i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
