Do you still have your period?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
