Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
