I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
