Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
