Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I am available for nakedness
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
