please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
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A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
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I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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