ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
