Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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