Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
