it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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