He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
