making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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