Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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