You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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