I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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