what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
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I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
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i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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