I want to have your abortion
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
