Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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