Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
