He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
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the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
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So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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