i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
