I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
