one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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