Apparently you make a good broom.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
