I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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