Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
