im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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