the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.