ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles