Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend