trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
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It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
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Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have