You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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