So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize