i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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