An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She's the barista slut.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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