you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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