Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
