then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
