I just threw up on my dentist
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
