Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
