So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize