when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if only i could text you this smell
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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