Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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