margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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