Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
