i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
