I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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