ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
