I will die if light touches me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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