I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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