I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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