i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
