I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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