If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
