haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
