So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
