Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
