I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
