If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
