dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
