I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
