Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
