I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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