Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
