Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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