allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
