dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
