It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
