We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
