should my penis look like a turkey
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
