shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
