I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
