He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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