his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
