i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
