I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
