My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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