mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
