the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
