Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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