He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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