She is in my trunk
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
