I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
