gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
