Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
