no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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