apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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